crash

no, not the dmb song, but i feel like i have a lot of stuff crashing down on me. if one were to take a step back and actually look at it, it probably wouldn't seem like that much, but to me, it seems like a lot. oh, i'll get it done, but i don't have a good attitude about it. more like a dreading sense of drudgery and general apathy but i'll end up grudgingly doing it. i know, this is no attitude to have, and i should work to the best of my ability.

but i'm going on vacation on saturday to visit my bro & fam in arkansas, and i'm super-excited!!! yay for vacation!!!

see, that made my night better. :D

life-changing

this morning, a video of my testimony about my illness and the past three years was shown at church. because i lived through these things over a period of time, it seems so shocking to think back about what happened and to actually see and hear me talk about it candidly onscreen. i prayed it would be something that would lift up God, and i was humbled that steve said that my story reminded us that we don't have to face our giants alone; our church family and our Father are there with us no matter what. after the service, i got a lot of hugs, and i met a lot more people. at first, i was nervous at this baring of my soul. in the past six months or so, i've just lived my life as a part of truenorth; i don't think i had every really sat down and told anyone my story. i was pleased at how the video turned out, and i pray that God uses me how he needs me. i realize that we all have a story to share about the giants we face. and how we overcome them is how our lives are changed.

mirror, mirror

i've been reflecting on my life lately, and i've been pondering where i have been and where i'm going. where was i and where will i be? it's such a confusing thing to have to do through at any age, time, situation. but why me? why have i felt the need to feel especially reflexive. (no, it's not because i'm teaching reflexive verbs in spanish class--in case you were wondering.)

part of it is really establishing myself on my own two feet, which has been such a terrific experience these past few months! of course, there's the rent, but that means that i have a little stake in the american dream. i have two floors of wall-to-wall carpet, electricity, heat & a/c, a refrigerator full of food (note to self: get milk), and i have been blessed with the job to pay for it. when i was in honduras, i saw entire families living in two rooms without electricity or indoor plumbing and glad to have concrete floors put in. no, not to replace the old one, but to cover the dirt floor they had.

from inside my american bubble, i'm looking at going back out into the world that almost killed me three years ago. as i continue with residual weakness, i still wonder what it's going to be like once again. well, it's been three months on my own and no catastrophes, so that's a plus. ;) besides, the key is, as my parents always taught me, is to connect to a church. i have been blessed to be raised in the church and to have the peace of the Holy Spirit guiding me. it really is a peace that passes all understanding! i revel in that peace no matter what goes on around me or how i feel or standing in front of my own insufficiencies. and boy, i tell you, those insufficiencies can mount up and up until you can't see over the top of them. but God's love shines through them and the power of Jesus' blood broke through those bonds. he carries us in his arms, and though he doesn't promise as gentle ride as lexus, he still gives me the peace and the strength i need for today.

tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.

recently

let's play the recently game:
-i went to facedown at tnc & had a blast worshiping & taking communion
-i went to atlanta to visit with a friend from school who was just through for the day
-after having a week to reflect on facedown and its impact, i wrote some
-printed out the papers to apply to my doctoral program
-not yet sent them in (even though they're almost finished, it just seems so final!)
-thought i was having a stroke, but really didn't (the most expensive migraine i've ever had!)
-finding new ways to be creative in my classes
-trying not to get bogged down in the mundane, but taking time to celebrate God's glorious creation and gifts

that's all for now. thanks for playing.