23 February 2006

so, lately

so, lately, i have been using my cane much more than in the past three or four months, and people ask me what happened. i simply say i have arthritis because it's so much easier to say that to go in to the entire illness that completely changed my life. the cool thing is that they are satisfied with that answer, and i'm really glad that people see me through my illness.

i have an appointment with my internist next thursday. i don't know what he'll say, but i'm going to discuss my medication and possibly changing doses as well as refills. i need a good recommendation for a neurologist because i think i should go to one again...at least to see what he has to say and to monitor my condition. my internist has been great at understanding my position, but when every test has been done and nothing comes up as showing abnormal, what else is there to do but to sit and watch it?

this is one more step towards 'big-boyhood' because i have my own insurance now, and i just turned 25. i'm praying for a good year! since i turned 21, things have been going pretty well--on the up and up, actually. but my 23 year and halfway into my 24th wasn't that great. in may, i started a whole lot of changes like graduating with another ba (in french), finishing grad school, getting a job, and now that i'm 25, i'm looking for even greater changes. like, greater in the sense that things are bigger and better, not necessarily that they are 'better.'

one thing i'm going to work on is compiling my posts. they are all private until this point. i want to publish them, but am not quite sure how much i want to publish or put out there now. i have a specific collection that deals with the past two years.

i look forward to the changes.

18 February 2006


so, this is the initial post for the blog 'on my own two feet'. it's dedicated to my own catharsis to my neuromuscular illness that has affected, primarily, my legs and feet. it affects gait, balance, and muscle control. initally it was just lower body, accompanied by severe arthritic pain in the lower joints, but has 'spread' to include partial paralysis and weak function of my left arm. at times, i am totally paralyzed, but temporarily. all this happens at odd times, and i cannot tell when it will happen next.

this started while i was studying in madrid, spain, for my graduate degree, so madrid has a special place in my heart. i say i left my legs in madrid. but this is not at all a 'pity me' blog; rather, it's a place where i share my thoughts, feelings, and enjoy the cathartic process of having a neuromuscular illness of unknown origin and inconsistent nature. i've journaled a good bit about the process, so perhaps i'll share some of that here.

currently, i am instructor of spanish at a high school and a university. during my illness, i have been blessed to be able to complete not only my ma in spanish, but during initial recovery, i completed another ba in french as well. academia has played a good role in my rise to a stable level, so i'm glad to be a part of it now.

i owe all glory and honor to God and his church, which have helped me though the darkest times of my illness as well as have given me the spiritual strength when i have little physical strength.

thanks for stopping by. i appreciate your comments.