triumphs

every time i do something, i see it as a triumph. i get up in the morning with no pain: triumph. i walk well: triumph. i run three miles a day five days a week: triumph. i run with pain: triumph. i ran five miles on sunday: triumph. i have never run five miles even before i got ill, so imagine the triumph i felt sunday afternoon!

tomorrow is four years since i started the major symptoms, and today i´m walking with a crutch. i don´t have pain, really, but weak function, and it´s discouraging because it has been four years since i got ill, and it´s a reminder that i´m not on the road to recovery, rather on the road of management. as i was running yesterday, i was thinking about this concept of triumphs. i don´t see my need to use a crutch today as a setback. what i would be set back from? rather, it´s another step in my managing my disorder.

i´m training for the madrid marathon in april. yes, that´s right. a marathon. how on earth, you might say, are you going to run a marathon when you have to lift your legs out of bed on any given morning? well, i´ll tell you. last thursday i was limping pretty bad, when my flatmate, who is my trainer, saw me changing to go running with him. he asked me how i was going to run when i could hardly walk. i told him, i don´t know, but we´ll see. it turns out that i limped to the park, ran the 3 miles like usual, then limped back. the same on sunday. so there. i´m not training to win the marathon; i´m pretty much planning on being the last one to cross the finish line.

but i´ll cross it.