why?

why is it that i feel prolific and creative at 3 in the morning when i should be asleep, but actually don't want to get up to get my journal, thereby fully waking myself up to produce said creative project, so i just lay there hoping to recreate the magic of sleepy creativity in the morning when i wake, knowing that i won't, indeed, remember the sentiment nor be able to accurately recreate the setting in which i was originally creative, hence relegating myself to wallowing in my own creativity and creation when it strikes--something akin to experiencing a first kiss?

i guess we'll never know.

imagine that

God is in control. imagine that! well, after this past year of relying on God for the next move in my life, after the past three months of such an amazing and surprising relationship with kelly, and looking back to the past 5 years when God has led me and cared for me in coming to Spain in the first place and then teaching me about how he cares for me even more than the sparrows and showing me his nature as the Great Physician, i've just lost sight of how my Father actually is in control. i can't change that, and his plans for me are infinitely better than i could imagine on my own.

i had a long talk with God last night as i walked home. i told him that i gave all my stresses to him. i repented of taking control of my life, of having a fatalist attitude about my work. and i thanked him for redeeming me and for being a co-heir with Christ. i claim my Father's blessings as his child. i know that doesn't mean that everything will be smooth and easy for me, but i rest in the fact that he is in charge, not me, and that i can rest easy at night belonging to him.

you'd think i'd have learned this by now. ;)