prayer

i attended services at a different church this past sunday where the preacher spoke about prayer and if prayer really works. it was eye-opening to me because he said that prayer was 'communication with God', not merely talking to him. by defining prayer as communication with him, that implies a give-and-take relationship. it opened my eyes to the fact that i've been trying to listen more to God without really giving him something to go on, ie my talking to him. my prayer life has developped into more of a play by play to God rather than asking him things and getting responses. i make this distinction because i think that i have listened too much, and in order for God to bless me, i must ask him for something!

in getting on my own two feet, i must ask him in faith for what i want to happen. i want to move, but God knows what i need when i need it, but i can still ask him for it. i want to work at ghp, but even though i know that & God knows that, why shouldn't i ask him for it? i want to have consistency of health--prefereably total healing--but why have i not asked him for it?

this last thing is something that i've struggled with for the past two years--why have i not specifically asked God to heal me? everyone else has. my prayer has been that i be content and that i rely on God in my times of weakness. are these conflicting prayers? is God getting mixed signals? i know that God can heal me, and i know that i want to be healed, but i realize that God has a plan, and i must abide by it. i must submit myself to his plan, but that doesn't mean i have to live a life dejected because i can't run anymore or maintain balance on my own. God has given me so much back from the initial onset, that i am grateful to him for what i have regained. i'm not 100%, but at a certain point, i'm content with that.